Making the Decision to Change My Life

Hello everyone...so, a big question people have of me is why I choose to have surgery rather than lose it the old fashioned way, like diet and exercise. Well, if it were that simple, I think there would be a walk-in clinic and drive-thru window for losing weight, but it's just not that easy in my world.

I have been on every diet you could imagine...grapefruit diet, cottage cheese and yogurt diet, Slimfast, Jenny Craig, regular counting calories diet, Atkins diet, etc...basically, if it was out there, I tried it. I spent so much money on books, personal trainers, special food, counselors, and scales, that I was done. Completely done. gave up on myself and got lost in my own weight. It all comes down to this...the common trend here was FOOD and PORTIONS. No wonder diets were not working...I was left hungry all the time. I needed a "tool" to use for the rest of my life that would help me, rather than hurt me.

I went to my physician in November 2008 in hopes of figuring out a plan to lose weight, never imagining myself that I would be discussing bariatric surgery options. I went home after that appointment, and had a long talk with my better half. Basically it came down to this...I was overweight, depressed and out of options. I had a 60% chance of getting a heart attack or dying before I was 40 if I did not get my blood pressure under control...big news when you are just 30 years old. Lots of think about.

So, it came down to this...have the surgery and have a less than 1 percent chance of not making it through the surgery, or die a young woman because my weight was out of control....SURGERY it is!

I started my surgery plan in December of 2008 and had my surgery March 18th of this year. This surgery would help me not only lose a lot of weight, but gain back my control of food and eating. It would prevent me from ever overeating again, and help me take the reigns on my own health. I wanted to be here for my husband and my kids for a long time...this was MY decision and MY life to take care of. I got quite a bit of slack when I told certain people about my plan to lose weight...boy was I NOT ready for that. I thought people would be more willing to support and be happy for myself, and I had to come up with a plan to counter act this "negative" support. So, to those who opposed and "downed" my surgery, I simply said, "Live my life, and then talk to me! This is MY life and MY decision, how does it effect you??"

But on the other hand, I had so many wonderful people come out and help and support me in so many ways!!! I could not ask for better friends and family. Thank you all for your continued support and love!!!

In order to have the surgery I had to go through many appointments and sessions to make sure my body, mind, and spirit were ready for the life change that would happen. Let's see I had to have the following done:

Physical (make sure blood pressure would stand the surgery)

Mental evaluation (Surprised I passed that one! ha!)

EKG

Scope and biopsy of my inners (out patient surgery done one week prior to surgery)

Several nutrition appointments

3 meetings with my surgeon

3 support group meetings

Seems like a lot, but every state, hospital, and area is different. I completed all these tasks within 3 months and at my final "one-on-one" appointment with my surgeon, I cried. It was time for the change. With Chris by my side and God in my heart, I was armored for the fight to be fit again.

The night before my surgery, I balled like a baby...would I make it through major surgery? Would I see my kids again? Am I really ready for this? The answer was yes, yes, and yes...GOD WAS WITH ME THE WHOLE TIME AND I HAD NOTHING TO FEAR! Getting wheeled into the OR, I kept singing in my head, "Nothing will I fear, as I long as You are near, please be with me to the end..."

I did not sleep a wink that night, and neither could Chris or Shelby. The boys were out like a light, but Shelby was old enough to know what was going on. She cried and I cried...poor Chris and his crying girls. But we got through it, and pretty soon it was time to go...




Hiding behind a gift I got...I hated pictures of myself since I was so digusted on the way I looked and felt (day before my surgery)






Morning of my surgery on March 18th, 2009

Fort Sill, OK

heaviest weight and might I add, the most despressed I have even been...drum roll please...this is so hard for me to admit but here it is:

269

Weight a Minute....Why in the World Am I Gaining ALL This Stinkin' Weight?!?

Me shortly after Chris returned from Iraq....look how much I changed...darn that depression!

After giving birth to Cody in September 2004

Active duty

Thin and trim

I was so proud of myself for being thin

Hello...welcome to my world of ups and down with my weight. For most of you that know me, know that I was skinny back in the day. I was fit and Active duty. I could run and eat anything I wanted. Well, in 2004 that changed. My world was changing seasons and my body did not follow suit. In the summer of 2004, I found myself very pregnant with my second child, a husband deploying yet for the second time (out of three total) and I was leaving active duty after 4 years. Can you say I went through a few of life changes?!? Well, I became depressed. Not to the point I needed to be committed, but to the point I channeled all my energies into food, and found comfort in that. When no one was there and I was sad, that bag of chips or bowl of ice cream seemed to say, "I will be your friend." So, the weight started to come on, and on...

Becoming a full stay-at-home mom was truly a change in itself. You mean I have to be the mom 24/7?!? And I have to change them, bath them, and cook for them all the time as a single parent? (Chris is deployed at this time) So, off I became the biggest stock holder of McDonald's, Burger King, oh and take out anything. Not only did I have a 2 year old and a newborn to take care of, I had to deal with everything during yet another deployment that left me clinging to food. Sad? Not really, it is more common than you think...and of course people judge, which doesn't help things as well.

Slowly over the fall of 2004 and into the winter of 2005, I gained a whopping 75 pounds. Honestly. I cry even thinking about it. How embarrassing to change so much for the worse, and not be motivated to do anything about it. I didn't have anyone to impress on a daily basis, Shelby and Cody could care less what I looked like, all Shelby wanted was her Care Bears, crackers, and a popsicle, and Cody was king of my boobs (yes I was nursing and didn't loose an ounce- so much for loosing weight that way!) So, needless to say, I was not motivated to do anything about my weight or get help for my depression.

So fast forward to October of 2008...we just moved from Fort Bliss, TX to Fort Sill, OK and were all settled into our new routines...Shelby and Cody off to school, Chris off to teach, and me, at home with a baby to eat all day long...so I seeked help at Reynolds Army Community Hospital. I prayed the night before my first appointment with my physician...I knew nothing about him, and was scared about what he might have to say about my weight. In the past, doctors dismissed me and "diet and exercise" and "get more sunlight" and "here is a pill"...all too frequent and too sad to even explain really...I guess I would have to invest in a mighty fine stapler to shut my mouth off from the world of food according to those guys.

I walked into family practice and waited for my doctor...to my surprise he was a retired COL nurse and prided himself on not being a doctor...which I mistakenly called him "doc"..ha. God answered my prayers. I broke down and sobbed in the room with him and we prayed...WE PRAYED TOGETHER!!! Never before have I had a health care giver have so much compassion for my pathetic self. He mentioned to me "bariatric surgery" and at first I was like, "I don't need that, that's for really fat people." Well guess what, I was!!!!

And it's all down hill from here....more to come!